I will be the first to admit that ever since I was a little kid I have let my mind get the best of me! I was never afraid of the boogie man or monsters under my bed.. no at 8 years old I was terrified of rapist, kidnappers, robbers and murders.. yes yes those were my biggest fears.. and not just the average 8 year old think about it every once and a while, but literally I would be so afraid some nights I would lay there terrified that if I even breathed wrong someone was going to break the door down and kill my family! I can recall the same nightmare I had for YEARS about bad things happening to my family and I kid you not it was the exact same for years. I can remember once in ELEVENTH GRADE waking up at 7 am to a weird sound and thinking someone was robbing us clean and refusing to even move from my bed out of sheer terror.. when in reality my dad was just getting ready for work!! It really is insane. As an adult my sensitivity to these kinds of things has only gotten worse! I over react and panic and think all of the worst things possible. Even the slightest funny noise and my mind races! When we first did a walk through on this house I kid you not my mind was racing on all the different ways someone could break into this house! Now, it's fine during the day.. during the day 9/10 I am content and perfectly find, but put me somewhere at night... anywhere.. and my mind wonders like no other..
Now that Kaylee and I are in Maryland alone it's been REALLY bad. I am in an area I don't know, I don't know a single person who lives around here, our new neighborhood is soo dark and being a city girl that's hard to adjust to plus just getting used to the neighborhood in general, and then we live in a gorgeous house will a new shell, but the bones of this house at almost 30 years old so they make some crazy noises that I haven't quite adjusted to! I'm not sure why but tonight has been extra scary for me.
I could post tons and tons of other things about this and all the crazy things I have thought of and felt or even done, but what I will says is.. these crazy things I stir up in my head... they make me thankful that I have faith in a God who heals and protects and who will put me at ease if I just pray.. and also that I am a beachbody coach and starting monday will be on my way to a 90 day transformation to a healthier me.. because that also means a stronger me and I want to be able to kick someones butt if necessary!!!