Sunday, March 16, 2014

Super powers

A few weeks ago we were babysitting our kids bffs while their mama and daddy (our bffs)went out on a birthday dinner date. Like usual when we get these 4 together is was a big blast of energy and noise and joy and perfect. Their boys are each just a few months older than our girls and they all 4 play and get along so perfectly.

While they were running and jumping and acting like little kids do they started to play super heros. It was adorable as usual but the part that caught my attention was when Connor told Kaylee that his super power was that when he falls down he can get back up again.

It was simple, and yet it stood out so profoundly to me that day... which is why I'm still thinking on it 4 weeks later.

The day that this happened was an especially chaotic day in an especially trying week in an excruciating month. I was tired, I was sad, I was just plain burnt out and feeling down. And when he said it I remember smiling and saying "ugh I could use that super power right now." I remember thinking that it would be so nice to just get up and shake off all these falls and not feel so impacted. I remember really beating myself up in that day and week in general for being so emotional and shaken and doubtful. I think the thing is that It's not in my nature to doubt or be so negative, normally I'd say that nothing even really makes me fall all the way down... stumble a little sure but nothing so hard as it had been lately. And certainly nothing that tripped me over and held me down. I guess you could say that typically Connor's super power of just getting back up was second nature to me.

But what I've been realizing in oh... the last 2-3 weeks is that while I've always gotten up, what I didn't realize was I was never getting back up by myself. It was always God taking me by the hand and standing me up as a daddy does for his daughter when she falls.

There is beauty is the struggle, and days even where I have the pleasure of really seeing it. Days where I can be thankful for it (wow.. right?)

I have spent the last 7 years falling in love and trusting Him with much of my life... notice how I said much? I'm realizing that struggle is something to help open our eyes. We're able to see more. I trusted Him with much, but I'm realizing I didn't trust him with all.. and certainly didn't rely on Him FOR all. I believed He could do all but didn't believe Him to actually DO it all. When you feel as if everything is being pulled away and things are spiraling... when every day is painful... you have NO choice but to turn to Him. There have been days where it takes everything I have in me to even just turn my face towards him, and thats okay. Because He is the only one who can get me through this. I know he has a plan and in all of the chaos I feel him drawing me in and asking me to trust Him..

And more than that I feel Him taking my hand and helping me to get bacj up when I can't get up on my own. So maybe I don't have a super hero super power.... but I do have a Savior and His Power is far greater than anything else and knowing He is guiding me through and carrying me in the parts I can't go on me own makes each day just a touch easier. The people he's placed in our lives to do life besides, stand in the gap for us, and lift us up certainly make life a lot more bearable on the bad days too.

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