I seem so often to be in a state of reflection that never
quite gets articulated or put down into words in a complete way. I have a whole
bunch of half spoken thoughts floating around in my brain that never quite make
it out onto paper. Never quite reach completion… and in a way I think that this
has halted my growth some. I spend a lot of time reading what other people
think, see, and are learning, but don’t take the time to put fully into
reflection what I think. Don’t get me wrong… I am learning through these other
people, being challenged and experiencing growth, but I don’t think I ever
allow myself to completely see that because it’s not written down. I have bits
and pieces in my devotional journal, bullet points, quotes, ideas, topics that
scream out to me, but not the fully thought out and processed nature that I
would like to begin to process through.
That’s where this here old blog comes back into play. I have
spent the majority of time that I have had this blog trying to find “my voice.”
Trying to figure out who I wanted to present and what I wanted the world to know
about me. Was I a military spouse blogger? Did I want a family/mom blog with
recipes and projects mixed in? I went through with trying to turn it into a
health and fitness blog. I debated trying to make a profit from my blog, and
even for creating a handmade shop. I can admit I got kind of caught up in the
whole “blogger envy” ordeal, which is why I took so much time off… But of all
the ways I want to share my heart the one that continually pours out is my
heart for Christ. I am not going to be a “faith blogger” so to speak… Because
if I am being 100% honest with myself… I don’t have time to be a full on
blogger. To make the connections with other bloggers, to gain a “following,” to
take part in link ups, or read a whole slew of posts… What I do have time for,
what I need to have time for, is to get my reflection out on “paper” to see the
written word of the things that God is doing in and through me, to share the
way that my life is being transformed with myself. And if someone should want
to read that along the way (mostly my friends and family I am sure) then that
is awesome. If God should give me a place of influence on this tiny space of
interwebs, marvelous. But it’s not about me anymore. It’s about HIM. And what I
can do FOR Him.
That being said… I am starting 2013 off differently than I
ever have before. I spent some time the last couple of days really taking in
what God has blessed me with in 2012 and preparing for what He is putting in
front of me in 2013. I decided to pick a word and a verse to center my actions
around this year. I sought God in prayer and scripture and came to the
conclusion that this is what He is showing me for this year, or at least for
this period of time. Should He change my steps… that’s okay too.
My word is CULTIVATE and my verse is 1 Peter 3: 15 NIV "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be
prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the
hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."
You see.. God is doing big things in
and through me lately… and the word “cultivate” seems like the perfect way to
describe what He wants me to do for His kingdom lately, but also for the other
things that He has made clear that I need to do and areas I need to grow in my
life (but we will get to those things later…) For now, let me just say that I
spent a good portion of 2012 trying to plan. I spent a good portion of 2012
trying to make a way for myself in a plan that was only His to write. In the
summer as adapted to being a mommy of two, beginning to really live in our new
home state not just get through, as we began to discuss Mike getting out of the
navy and approached my final year of school… I began to panic. What was I going
to do, where was I going to work, WHERE DID GOD WANT ME?! And so instead of
waiting for Him to reveal Himself as He always has because He IS faithful, I
decided to try and do it on my own. I began to search for jobs all over the
nation for Mike and I. I began to pick and piece and guess at what “my ministry”
would be. The thing about that though… is that I did all of this to find “peace”
instead of resting in a peace that I already knew was there. And ultimately it
just stressed me out more because I just couldn’t find a job for me, a place
for us, a plan for us. And then one day almost as clear as day God said to me “Silly
don’t you know that you can’t find the perfect job because it’s just not there…
you aren’t ready for it yet so how can it be ready for you!” And I laughed...
and then I blushed… and then I finally felt like I could breathe again… God – a
million Amanda – zero.
After that little realization I
finally decided to listen. I prayed and sought Him, and then I rested in His
peace and comfort and waited for Him to start revealing the pieces to me… and
boy did He ever! God has truly brought into my life some of the great mentors,
examples, and friends in the last year. And little by little He began to paint
and ever clearing picture for me of the way that He wanted me to go, of the
ministry that He wanted me to create, and of the way that He wanted me to serve
Him and His people!
It started with the realization that
God is leading me towards mentorship and discipleship, of everyone. This was a
big shocker for me because HELLO I have always been all about the kiddos and
the teens, but adults? Forget about it! I get awkward, clammy, and shy! But
little by little He put me into places that made it clear He wanted me to use
my heart for all people, not just kids and teens. He led me to serve at
the Catherine Foundation Pregnancy Care Center as a Client Advocate(Counselor
of sorts) to women who find themselves in need. And He blew my mind at the way
He cares for every single detail.
Then He led Mike and I to lead a
Small Group for our church New Life here in MD. It was in this small group that
He began to refine me to serve Him in a real leadership position (and is still
refining me daily). He brought some of our greatest friends and encouragement
into our lives via this small group. And I finally began to feel at home here.
And then He shook it up again! He
brought a new pastor into our church who would be taking a portion of the
congregation and planting a new church in our county. Mike knew from the first
time that Pastor Moe preached that we would go, I on the other hand was not so
certain. I enjoyed Pastor Moe’s sermon, but we were JUST starting to build
community… sorry charley! Or so I thought.
In August we began a series about
what Pastor Moe’s church would be all about. And that first Sunday God’s spirit
and direction fell upon me in such a mighty way. He made it so clear it gave me
shivers that Mike and I were to be all in, to commit it all, and to join this
new church. And we did just that. Much to my surprise one of our greatest
friend couples went, and so did who I consider my mentor, Pastor Jenn. She was already
leading the Small Groups at New Life and would now move on and be the Asst Pastor
at Healing Place. As soon as she told me that, I felt God’s nudge. I didn’t
know why or for what, but it was strong and it was there. I began to pray about
how I could help her with leading community groups at HPC because I felt like
that was where God was hinting at. And sure enough that’s exactly where he led
me… Right into the volunteer position of Community Group Coordinator.
And so here I am. God has made it so
incredibly clear to me where he wants me. He wants me leading people to Him. He
wants me CULTIVATING leaders to lead people to Him. He wants me to be His
disciple, and he wants me to make more disciples. He has made it clear it’s not
just about harvesting, but He wants me in the fields for Him in every way
possible. And my heart is all in it. I will sow seeds, water, and harvest in
whatever ways He leads me to. I am more than willing to do the tasks He puts in
front of me, even if they are difficult (and some of them will be) and to
always do so with a joyful heart.
While He is using me to cultivate—
prepare, lead, and improve leaders….. He has made it so abundantly clear that
He is going to be radically preparing, leading, and improving me for the tasks
He has in front of me. I don’t know what all He has planned for me this year.
But I am so eager to learn. I am so eager to wholly submit my life to His plan.
The first 6 months will be challenging with my last semester (which is
incredibly full), but I am ready and able. With God, my husband’s support, and
a lot of diligent planning and timing I know that I can not only get through
but can prosper this semester. And the official
job He is leading me to when I graduate? Well.. I still don’t know what that is
yet, but I am content in all the things He has placed in front of me right now.
This is where my verse ties in too.
I want His light to shine so brightly through me, for my heart to be SO set
apart as HIS, that people do ask what the reason for my hope is. Through this
year of cultivation I hope to be able to pour into anyone who comes my way. To
be able to change lives the way that He changed mine, and to do so with gentleness
and respect, but above all with love.
Here’s to a year of growth.
For His Glory,
Amanda
Amanda
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